4:30 a.m.

It really is 4:30 a.m.
My head hurts. I can't sleep. So here I am.
No cute colors... no cute word sizes...

just me.

I've been watching the moon outside my window and getting pretty melancholy. It's silly I know, but sometimes it just creeps up on you.

I'm missing my Grandma. If she were still here she would have come up and rubbed my good foot. She would have brought me a tea-party... which wasn't really a tea-party at all, but a tray full of all my favorite treats, candy mostly. She would have given my boys each a handful of change... she loved them.

I'm missing my baby boys. They're all grown up now. I love how happy they are being 17 and 13. They have so much freedom to do the things they want. I'm happy for them. I remember how excited I was to be their ages. They have a fun school year ahead of them. However, I miss the days when they needed me so much... the days when we were never apart... the days when the thought of them leaving home wasn't even a thought
because it was so far away.

I'm missing my brothers being teenagers. It was so much fun to watch them. It's strange that now my boys are the same age they used to be. It seems like just yesterday they'd hang out with their friends at our little "love shack" on Main Street. I was so "cool" back then... how did I turn so "uncool" now that my kids are teenagers? They loved my "baby boys" so much and now my
"not-so baby boys" love their baby boys. Funny how life is.

I'm glad I'm not missing my Jeffer. He's still around, just like he always was. He is good to me. He's a miracle you know. He came along 20 years ago and freed me from ... well, a nightmare. He still frees me when I'm down and out and... melancholy, like tonight. He always listens. I'm lucky.

Well, my head is feeling better.
Thanks for letting me vent and cry. Sometimes it makes things all right again. I guess there is no need to share it with the whole world but, then again, the whole world doesn't read this blog
so it's all good.

I don't think I'll go to sleep though. I think I'll pull an all-nighter. Doing so will guarantee a deep sleep tomorrow night. :)

One more thing... don't you love it when something unexpected happens and makes you feel especially loved? That happened to me today at church. Sister Brand and Rachel turned around in Relief Society and smiled at me... then they told me they were bringing me dinner tonight. When I told them "no", they told me "yes". Then they turned around and I smiled. It feels good to feel loved... especially today.

I love you, you know. You don't think I'm talking to YOU, but I am. It makes me happy that you check on me and my family. It makes me melancholy... happy melancholy.